~*~I think it is time to turn in the license~*~

I think it is time to turn in the license.

An older man and woman were on the way to Greenville , 
NC and stopped at McDonalds in Farmville just off of 264
East bypass last Saturday and did not know that they 
hit this deer!! Someone in McDonalds had to tell them .
the old man said he noticed that the car was starting to 
run a little hot the last few miles

~*~Kid's World~*~

~*~Interesting and Funny Facts~*~

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.

***************************************************************************
No piece of paper can be folded in half

More than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait...~

****************************************************************************
Donkeys kill more people annually

Than plane crashes or shark attacks.

************************************************************************
You burn more calories sleeping

Than you do watching television.

**************************************************************************
Oak trees do not produce acorns

Until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
************************************** **************************************
The first product to have a bar code

Was Wrigley's gum.

*************************************************************************
The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

********* ******************************************************************
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
By eliminating one (1) olive

From each salad served in first-class.
** ************************************************************************
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

*********************************************************************
Apples, not caffeine,

Are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

***********************************************************************
Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!

****************************************************************************
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

So did the first ' Marlboro Man. '

************************************************************* **************
Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

**************************************************************************
PEARLS MELT
IN� VINEGAR!
********************************************************** ***********
The three most valuable brand names on earth:
Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
**********************************************************************�
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

But, not downstairs.

************************************************************************
A duck's quack doesn't echo,�

And no one knows why.�

************************************************************** **********�
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
Be kept at least six (6) feet away from�
A toilet to avoid airborne particles
Resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now! )

***************************************************�

And the best for last....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.�

~*~installing Husband~*~

A woman writes to the Technical support Guy,

Dear Tech Support, 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as 
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. 

What can I do? 

Signed, 

Desperate Woman 

DEAR DESPERATE Madam, 

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. htmland try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. 
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. 

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. 
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. 
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. 
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7. 

Good Luck Madam! 

Tech Support